How to De-Skunk Your Running Partner

If he’s a dog that is.






1 Qt 3% hydrogen peroxide
1/4 cup baking soda
1 tsp. liquid soap


After you recover….*you will never recover* ….from the shock…mix these ingredients together to make a shampoo of sorts. Wet your ungodly stank ass dog down in the tub….poor this crap all over him…avoiding his eyes..let it sit on him for a couple of minutes..and rinse. Repeat if necessary..it was.


Folks…if hell has an oder..it’s freshly sprayed skunk. At about 1 in the morning…the dogs were bugging Vincent to let them outside. V and I had just finished watching a movie and were getting ready to go to bed. So he lets them out…and all hell breaks loose. As he runs out to shut them up….he sees the issue. The dogs had cornered a skunk right by our back door and HOLY SHIT…that little fucker let loose. So V…being 14 and a lover of his dogs…LETS THEM IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They manage..in between sneezing, whining and dying…to run through my entire house and jumped up on each and every one of the beds before I was able to chase them out.


I have never in my entire life..encountered anything like that. The dogs stunk…my entire house was permeated by it because on top of the dogs streaking all over the furniture…this happened right outside my back door. The 300 dollars worth of brand new school clothes that I’d bought that day were still sitting on the kitchen table…next to the open window…where the offense occurred.


So here it is…now closer to 1:30….and I’m looking online at what to use…besides a damn shotgun….to put us out of our misery. Well….I didn’t have any peroxide. So off we go to WalMart to buy some…along with a shitload of Febreeze.


We get to WalMart….and are trying to avoid people because we stunk so fucking bad. Every person we walked by….just about died. I kept apologizing….but…really…what could we do? As we’re gathering our stuff….a HUGE chick fight breaks out on the opposite end of the store. These bitches were LOUD!!! Can’t imaging what they were fighting about….the last gallon of icecream perhaps? We go to the checkout………….*I did try and find a self checkout as to not put anyone else through our stench*…but alas…they do not have those open at after 2 AM I guess. And who did we end up behind in line you ask? One of the crazy bitches that was having the screaming match about 10 minutes before. So she’s checking out…and next thing we know…there are 6 cops standing there…taking statements…giving tickets….etc etc. Bet they were sorry to have to sit there dealing with drunk idiots WHILE smelling us.


We get home…I mix my witches brew…have V bring me Brian to start with. V is stripping the beds and I’m washing my freshly skunked dog. I gave V Brian wrapped up in a towel..and moved on to Jenga. V dried Brian and started Febreezing anything and everything. I started laundry last night at almost 3 AM…I’m still not done.


At 4:30 I crawled into my disgusting bed…in my disgusting house and dropped off to sleep. Got up at 7 to go run with my brothers. They ran the 5K in 39 minutes….go brothers.


The moral to this story……there isn’t one. Just make sure to NEVER let it happen to you and yours. Night all…I’m off to do more deskunking….I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same.